The End of an Era

Love it or hate it, you have to admit, that then end of Celebrity Big Brother is the end of an era. Its been an reality show that has dominated at least one month of each of the last seven years, but now it has breathed its final breath and crowned its final king, Alex Reid.
Now think what you like about this series, you may watched it, you may not, you may have caught the odd few episodes late and night or early in the morning, but I personally think that it's been one of the funniest entertaining reality shows of the last few years.
For once, their have been "celebrities" I have actually recognised, though this may be due to the fact that Channel 4 have decided they could shell out (like £350,000 for Vinnie Jones) for the very final series of Celebrity Big Brother. And those celebrities have laughed and bitched and in some's cases, Stephen Baldwin, preached to the masses.

However I think it is time for Celebrity Big Brother to be evicted from our TV Sets. As amusing as we have found this final series, this may just be due to the sense of nolstagia that is enveloping us. "Ohh remember CBB1, when so-and-so went it and then so-and-so did that", if it stayed I think we would've been fed up with it and the final series wouldn't have been so explosive as it was this time.

So goodbye Davina, Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother's Big Mouth (that was a moutful!), George Lamb and Celebrity Big Brother's Little Brother. You will be locked away in the archives, bought out every decade or so, so the aging masses can remember the cult of the relaity TV Show that domnated our TV Sets for so long.

Its Been a While

its been a while, not only for posting blogs but for many other things as well.

Relationship troubles are some of the worst you can have, and if you're going through any right now, then I completely understand. I have been hurt so many times in my year long relationship, Ohh wait a year and one month today, I didn't even realise.
My problem is that I forgive too easily. Take christmas for example, my boyfriend told me he cheated on me and after about 4 days I was like "I forgive you". I don't tell him that sometimes at night that I still picture him kissing another girl and I cry.
Except its much more than crying, its physical pain. I can't breathe, my chest aches for breath and release, I open my mouth and scream but no sound comes out. This is much more than crying. This is like being broken into a million tiny pieces and not being able to be put back together. You may think its just one drunken kiss, but until it happens to you, you will never feel that inexpicable pain. The pain that is much more than pain itself.
Now recently I never see my boyfriend anymore, outside of college and during college its no time at all. Its putting strain on our relationship and all we do is argue. Sometimes I think this relationship is bad for me, just because I'm in so deep. But I once told my boyfriend "no matter how much you hurt me, I could never tell you to leave", now that doesn't sound like a give and take relationship to me. It sounds like I give and you take and take, and I'm exhausted.

For now, its just easier to be dead inside, I don't have to feel, I can plaster that fake smile across my face and laugh and joke with my friends. I can't feel pain because if you're dead, you don't feel pain. If I ever think about him and her then I just remind myself that I can't feel anymore.

This may seem like a depressing post, but it helps to get things off my chest.

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Inside I hope you know
I'm dying
With my heat beside me
In shattered pieces
That may never be replaced
And
If I died right now
You'd never be the same

I Thought I Could Live In Your Arms

Am I a selfish person?
My boyfriend told me today that he won't be able to see me outside of college for at least a month, basically 13th February the day we go to London for the day [his christmas present to me].I tried to take the news well but unfortunately I HATE HATE HATE not being able to see him, its not like I see him much in college as it is.
So I told him I'd just have to think of it as that we've broken up so I can't even see him anyway. I'm a bitch to him but I can't help it. I really struggle with it. I want him to do well, but I want him to make time for me as well.

Love: making time for someone, whether its five minutes or the whole day.

Anyway these lyrics are really helping me. I know we haven't broken up, but it feels like we're drifting apart anyway. I thought we'd last forever btu I'm realising that never happens with your first love

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"I thought I could live in your arms
and spend every moment I had with you
stay up all n ight with the stars
and confess all the faith I had in you
to late, I'm sure and lonely,
another dream wasted on you"

Mayday Parade - 3 Cheers for 5 Years (Acoustic Version)

- Life is beautiful, sometimes you just have to open your eyes and see it*

The Cult of the Reality TV Show

So it seems like Celebrity Big Brother has got me well and truly by the throat. I really did not think I would get into this and sadly I have. Usually I just watch the first episode, to see who's "starring" this year and then I tune out and fine something a little bit more high brow and intellectual, but sadly I am actualyl interested this year and... I have my own opinions about them all already.

Baldwin (actor man) - I thought he was BLIND, he has funny squinty eyes and I really don't think he's going to be that interesting in the house
Page 3 "Lovely" - probably as much of a hit as Lucy Pinder. Guys were so excited to see a glamour model going in and they didn't even get a flash of anything.. (I'm NOT complaining, trust me!)
Alex Reid - Pathetic and attention seeking, him and Dane Bower seem to be BFF's.. Haaa! A false act if I ever did see one!
Stephanie Beecham - Does not know what she has let herself in for! The poor dear, she's far too posh to be squashed into a mini with all the other z-listers.#
Dane Bowers - See Alex Reid (Note, swap the words "Dane Bower" for Alex Reid)
Sisqo - I'm never going to like anyone who became "famous" for singing about thongs <-- I do not like them very much to be honest
Lady Sovereign - Is alright, probably going to be explosive in the house probably..
Prostitute.. Sorry Escort.. Heidi - Looks like she is sucking a lemon constantly, I guess she is going to be the most boring person in the house, she doesn't do anything or speak to anyone
Ekaterina - looks like she will get on well with Page 3 Lovely, looks like a sweet innocent but I bet she can be bitchy..
Basshunter - G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S he will be my bit of eye-candy in the house..
Vinnie Jones - meh, I don't have an opinion on him, so what are you going to do?

Anyone else getting obsessed with CBB?

The Christmas Holidays

Ahh the beautiful icy, white christmas holiday is over and soon it is time to return to college. I have had a lovely christmas. To be frank, I haven't spent much of it at home. The main days, Christmas Day and Boxing Day I spent with my family and then every other day I could manage I spent at my boyfriends house, his parent let me crash in the spare room twice which was pretty cool.

The suckiest thing about this holiday has to be getting a cold/minor flu. Went to bed on Boxing Day and woke up Monday morning with a hacking cough, the night I supposed to stay at my boyfriend's. I hid it from my parents because if they have the faintest idea that I'm ill, it hometime for me.

So off I went to Exeter with my boyfriend to do a bit of sale shopping, ridicously underdressed for being ill. Skinny jean, tin t-shirt with studded shoulders and a cropped leather jacket <- But I did look damn hot, not to be vain. So I stayed the night and when I woke up I had lsot my voice completely, so that was really sucky.

Anyway, its the 2nd of January and I'm still Ill. I have college in 3 days time, I have Journalism homework still to do and I haven't even picked up a single set of notes for my Sociology and I have 13 days until the exam. But, hey, I'm looking on the bright side. I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of the holidays and then take each day as it comes. Im cooking a meal for my boyfriend on Monday night, so I will be blogging whilst cooking, coz I'm a genius, to let you know how its going.

Over and Out.